Why I have discarded the idea of 'twin flames' for good

The simple answer to this is, because I'm not quite so gullible as I was. But let's talk about this subject, because it's quite a big thing within the spiritual community. Some self appointed gurus (mentioning no names, but some of you may know who I am referring to) have exploited this whole idea to gain followers and manipulate them, as well as getting a handsome amount of money from their programs and coaching. Some everyday people have gotten fixated into thinking one person is their twin flame, even if that person is married or even if that person treats them like $h!t. 

For the avoidance of doubt, it's pretty safe to say that someone is not your twin flame in either of these scenarios. 

WHAT IS MEANT BY 'TWIN FLAME'?

I even found this image with another classic spiritual
saying - 'Divine Feminine' :D Image via Alamy

Basically, the notion of a Twin Flame is that there is one person - yes, one SPECIAL person - who is the other half of your soul. When you meet your twin flame, you will know .. that kind of thing. There's many of us, including myself, who have believed that we've met our twin flame. And once the relationship ends, they actually weren't our twin flame after all.

Especially for people who are vulnerable when it comes to relationships, the whole twin flame concept is quite toxic. Putting your whole hopes on one person, that wonderful 'other half' that is going to complete your life, is very easy to do. But grounded reality just isn't like this - and that is the main reason I have discarded the idea of a twin flame. It's so, so easy to get sucked into believing anything if it is presented in such a way - and no doubt, some twin flame 'gurus' do put the case of a twin flame across pretty well - some may even say that it is part of 'God's divine plan to unite all twin flames'. 

And when someone's discernment radar is not what it should be - which is often the case for people who have a lot of trauma - that person can be brainwashed into believing that a particular person is their twin flame, ie when they feel an extremely strong connection. Personally, if I feel this kind of connection at any time in the future, I might take it as a sign to run away :D But, of course, if your relationship history is not good, you can easily end up putting your hopes on someone to end all the disappointments you've had in the past. 

LIMERENCE
I hadn't even heard this word until this year, but the meaning of it is something that is all too familiar to me. One definition comes from Psychology Today:

Limerence is a state of involuntary obsession with another person. The experience of limerence is different from love or lust in that it is based on the uncertainty that the person you desire, called the “limerent object” in the literature, also desires you. Since limerence is the desire to be desired, it is a cognitive, as well as physical, and emotional experience. As the focus of limerence is whether or not the object of desire reciprocates the feelings, rather than actually falling in love with the person, it is almost always one-sided.

Image courtesy of Power Thesaurus

God knows, I've been there on more than one occasion. And the twin flame concept is a classic way of playing on someone's limerence - by obsessing over a particular person but believing that they are your twin flame, so you should be with them or God will bring you together. I shouldn't need to tell you that this form of thinking is quite unhealthy, but I can totally understand why it happens. 

And, of course, it's so easy to use the twin flame concept as hope. Hope that one day you will meet this magical person and that your days of loneliness or hurt will finally be over. 

Another reason why I rejected the twin flame idea was that I came to the conclusion that it was just another bit of spiritual hogwash, an idea planted in people's heads which doesn't really exist in reality. Of course, there's a possibility that you will meet someone and have a great relationship, but letting go of the twin flame thing does take a bit of pressure off. 

Peace.