Autism and ADHD

When I was growing up in the late 70s and 80s, autism wasn't nearly as much of a thing as it is now. It was only people who were very high up on the spectrum that were thought of as autistic. And I never even heard of ADHD in childhood. 

Growing up, I was always different to most of my peers at school - I spent a lot of time on my own, was super fixated on my interests, particularly music and football, and didn't have a clue how to properly interact with people, let alone how to approach females. 

If I had been growing up today, there's absolutely no doubt that I would have been referred for a diagnosis. But now, like many people my age or older, I have never been 'officially' diagnosed and am only starting to come to terms with the fact that I cannot 'heal' the way my brain functions. 

Autism was a lot more taboo in the 80s than it is now, and if I had been diagnosed as autistic, I would have had the piss taken out of me even more than I did, of that I have little doubt. And to be honest, for a long time, I saw it as something that was only for people who could barely function in the world. 

It's only in the last few years that I've come to realise that many people who have autism and/or ADHD are people who can have good conversations, can be very intelligent, can get married and have children, hold down good jobs. And most of all, there is no shame in being who we are. 

I was conditioned to believe that it was shameful to have mental health conditions and was using religion, then spirituality, to try and heal myself. But whatever I did, I could never get forward in life, and in fact, the two occasions where I really thought I was making some progress, preceded the two most severe breakdowns of my life. 

I realise now that true spirituality goes hand in hand with however our brains work. 

I'm probably never going to be one of those people who says that autism is a superpower. My brain function has contributed to some of the hell that I have been through, and has most certainly made my life harder. And actually being real with myself has been a bit of a shock, and it still feels like I am in massive transition. 

But I wish I had been diagnosed earlier in life, that is for sure. 

Image courtesy of Printerval