The 17 years that I was up north absolutely flew by.
I don't usually give too much meaning to age numbers, even though I like birthdays. This particular birthday, I'm not sure if I'll truly feel like celebrating.
Life absolutely broke me this year. 2024 has been a brutal year; so many people have gone through huge challenges. I'm no expert on astrological and energetic matters but there must have been something in the air the last few months.
At the end of the tunnel there has been good and unexpected things happen for me; also there is the possibility of a new job which could see me move to a place I really love; nothing set in stone yet but I'm feeling optimistic. Sometimes there is a gut feeling about something - I had another job interview but I kind of knew I wouldn't get it.
The biggest lessons I have taken are:
Letting life lead or letting my higher self lead - some of you may have read a book called The Surrender Experiment where the 'hippy' author continually surrenders to life's perfection and ends up running a big IT organisation amongst other things.
That I need to take small steps - for a long time, I have felt like I am far behind in life - being a late developer is hard and not something I would recommend - especially without suitable support when trying to function in a world that is so not catered for such people. But I continued to get nowhere when trying to get from A to Z.
Not everything is for me - It's easy for me to get entangled in a viewpoint or concept that my friends are into and think it should work for me. But some things just don't. Human Design goes way over my head. Books like The Celestine Prophecy and A Course In Miracles don't float my boat at all. Concepts around masculinity - such as Warrior, Magician, Lover, King - I think are good but they do not completely align with my character.
That I needed to come to terms with my neurodiversity - Autism has always been a bit of a dirty word for me; still is to some degree, as someone who grew up in a time when it was seen in a negative light and when the needs of people like myself were not understood or catered for. In fact, it's more my ADHD tendencies that impact me day to day. But either way, my brain function is different to the majority of people (although the rate things are going, it will eventually be more common to be neurodiverse - not a good thing in my opinion). I agree with my friend who says a lot of it is brain damage - and yes I do believe my brain has been damaged somewhat.
That I don't have to like everyone. Nuff said.
That it's ok to have regrets or wish certain things had never happened - One thing I can't do is change the past. It happened. All I can do is rebuild. Whilst it's obviously possible to build good things from tragic situations - Andy's Man Club being one example (the founder lost his brother in law, called Andy, to suicide) - let's just say that a lot of us would change some of our past if we could. Life sometimes does give you more than you can handle, and that's a fact.
Perhaps most importantly of all, I have learnt that I have to be true to myself. There have been times when I thought I was being really authentic and living a life that was suitable for me. Now I'm not so sure. Some New Age hippy practices, I'm not sure are for me now. It's so easy to get attached to a set of beliefs in order to fit in. Now, I want to build my tribe of people whose outlook really aligns with the outlook I have now.
 |
| Image courtesy of gettythings.com |
No comments:
Post a Comment