Trusting the process and the word 'surrender'

One of the most common words I've heard in both Christian and New Age circles is .. wait for it .. surrender.

In Christian terms it tends to mean surrender to God's will or to Jesus. In New Age terms I guess it means surrender to the universe, to life. 

The word 'surrender' is probably a bit of a cliche, but it does have some relevance to me. I like to stay in control of things, but for some strange reason, that has never seemed to work so well. Life sometimes has other plans - I would never have imagined how different my life would be now, compared to this time last year. And having had a complete mental fuck up/breakdown/psychotic episode, maybe it's now slightly easier for me to trust the process of life. Whilst action is important, the first thing I need to do is trust my inner guidance. 

Life tends to become a little more in flow when I do that. There may be times of stagnation and uncertainty .. when I first came back to Dorset, I was in crisis and didn't want to come back, but I knew this was the most viable option at the time. I'd spent 17 years building a life for myself up north and it was one of the best decisions I ever made - but even taking that into account, it's probably true to say that part of the reason I moved up north was to escape my old life. 

It was always fairly clear that I needed to do some healing work in the place where I grew up, but initially the intention was to eventually move back up north as that was where I felt my home was .. and I still have a lot of love for the north and look forward to returning there for a holiday. Dorset had actually never really felt like my home prior to me returning. 

But as time went on (and sometimes, the passage of time can eventually provide the answer), it became clearer and clearer that my inner compass was showing me to remain down south. The coast was a huge reason, as well as being nearer my family - in fact, the thing that really swung my decision was a day out in Hengitsbury Head, one of the most beautiful locations in Dorset without doubt. I hope to move nearer that direction in the coming months, which will be about 12 to 15 miles from my parents. There is also some coastline near there that I've not been a regular visitor to, which definitely appeals - I don't particularly want to stay in my home village, as much as I like it - it's just TOO familiar. 

I am looking for work and forging new connections, and there are certain things that will require my trust that they will have as smooth a process as possible. I don't know if I'll be so involved with any spiritual communities like I was in Manchester - that's probably another thing that I need to trust my inner guidance with. 

I am still trying to establish the right balance between surrender and taking action .. but right now, I feel like I'm where I'm meant to be. I'm not a big believer in making long term goals, or rather, making long term goals doesn't seem to work for me. That's a bit of an ADHD thing. 

Peace out.

Image courtesy of Printerval