One thing that is important to realise.
We all have different capabilities.
Some things, I have more ability at than others.
Some things, others have more ability at than me.
However - it is often easier to focus on the things about ourselves that we perceive to be difficult. Which can be problematic if we let them define us. Conversely, we can also try to push forward and live our purpose whilst ignoring our brain chemistry and needs. This will cause problems down the line.
It doesn't matter how open hearted you are or how many affirmations you make or how many retreats you go on or how many phases of enlightenment you go through - if you have ADHD or autism tendencies, they will still be there.
In my case, if I push myself too hard, there is a potential risk to my health, in part because of the horrendous mental breakdowns I've had in the past. And my brother died from a brain aneurysm. I had a period from 2012 to 2014 when I had three very stressful jobs, the last of which, at a company in Huddersfield which not surprisingly disbanded, was the worst of the lot. I was in that job at the time my brother died, and on the morning before I found out about his death, I was on the verge of messaging a friend saying I couldn't cope with the job.
It was a truly horrendous and stressful job, with questionable ethics in that organisation, although I put that all on the company owner who was .. well let's not go there; both my direct boss and the boss above her (the finance director) were really good and I got on well with them. Plus I had one friend there who I am still friends with today, and most of the people that worked there were decent, so it wasn't all bad. There was several different tasks to do, an overload of work which I couldn't keep up with, plus some tasks I found difficult to comprehend. It was the perfect recipe for stress. I would literally go in to that job every day dreading it and spent the weekend recovering from the stress. It really was no way to live and I would never let that happen again.
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| Image courtesy of iStock photos. It can feel that the brain is being pulled in different directions. |
Sensory overload is big for me. Multitasking isn't good for my brain. Certainly, in the workplace, if I am trying to switch to several different things during the day, my brain gets fried. In my current job, I work with the public. What triggers sensory overload in this job is when lots of people enter the store in quick succession or when a big family comes in - maybe part of this is because I like clear, open spaces and am somewhat claustrophobic. At the moment, I have quite a full on life with different tasks that need doing. I have even started a planner, which is something I never do. Trying to balance these tasks with my need for relaxation at times, is not something that comes easily. Having a backlog is something that really triggers me - in the workplace, if I was behind on things, that was hard.
I am a lot better at managing stress now than I was, and probably the most important thing for me is just to accept however I feel - trying to fight against sensory overload would just make things worse. There are times when I come home and need to rest, which can be frustrating when I have things outside of work that I want to do, but my mental health comes first.
There is also the issue of finding it hard to concentrate, an ADHD thing. Symptoms include finding it difficult to complete tasks, procrastinating and being unable to sit still - I can totally relate to all of those. As with everything, there may be exceptions - one common symptom of ADHD is lateness, but I am the opposite, I like to be on time for everything and lateness is a pet peeve of mine. But I do struggle with concentrating on something and often end up flitting between different things, different screens and different tasks. This may seem a bit of a contradiction in terms after I said that I struggle to multitask, but I also struggle to concentrate on one task. This is very real.
It is also true, though, that when there is a task that really interests me, I can really put my effort into it.
There is no doubt at all that my brain functioning has impeded my progress in life. This isn't a sob story nor am I looking for any sympathy; however, sometimes we have to acknowledge certain things. This world is not built for neurodiverse people, and unless you are lucky enough to live in an awakened community or have parents and teachers that completely understand and support you, which in my day was almost impossible, or you are extremely driven to find answers early on in life, it is fairly likely that you will be a late developer if you have both ADHD and ASD traits. But, conversely - certainly if life calls you on the journey of awakening and spirituality, you learn a heck of a lot.
Now, it is time to share my stories to empower and inspire others. There is nothing wrong with you if you struggle to concentrate. However, you may need to make extra provisions to most people in order to truly thrive in life. I consciously chose to largely not go down the conventional medical route because I do not fully trust the NHS and do not believe they have adequate provision to deal with mental health issues. In my opinion, there should be more support services separate from the NHS that provide effective help for those of us with ADHD and ASD. I also have found it hard to ask for support and help for this particular aspect of my life, which has been to my detriment. But I'm starting to make some changes. And I also have a lot of very supportive friends and supportive partner.
One of which is - I have just started reading this book. It looks good so far. You might be interested in it. Peace out.
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