The challenges of fulfilling my dreams as a neurodiverse person

So I tell God that I want to create a soul centred business, meet the woman of my dreams, and create a life I love. God said 'okay, but be prepared to have practically no social life for a little while, be prepared to push yourself in ways you've never done before and be prepared to face some of your biggest fears. Oh and add a neurodiverse brain and highly sensitive nervous system, and a full time job working with the public into the mix. Are you up for it?' 

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If it was easy to live the life of our dreams, most people would be doing it and the world would be a better place. As I've mentioned before in a previous blog post (at least I think I did), there are certain people or entities that own much of the world's resources and keep humanity under control and dumbed down. There is absolutely no doubt about this. School is basically an indoctrination centre which prepares you for the slave world of working a job for someone else that you don't even necessarily like, and eventually you retire on a pension when your prime years are behind you. 

This kind of life never seemed quite right to me. When I was a Christian, I thought I would go into full time Christian work. A 'career' was not for me. I bumbled around in various office jobs for years. But I also needed money. There was a short time when I thought of myself changing career - transport planning and marketing were two things I briefly considered. But the thing is - I find the conventional work environment quite challenging, and many jobs that are considered pretty normal for a lot of people, I could not do. I am not that far off being unemployable, really. 

But when it comes to money and doing jobs that take up quite a bit of time and energy, it can be more comfortable staying in that environment, even if it's far from ideal. 

But, since discovering the best spiritual path for me, the call to do something different has never fully left me. I know I'm not supposed to be working in a 'proper' job - I am so clearly unsuited to the 9 to 5 environment. The thing is, I never really KNEW exactly what I wanted to be doing - and I had a mountain of unresolved trauma.

And it was only last year, when I really started to dig deep into the layers of trauma and conditioning and really face things head on, that I was really to even start considering what my soul centred business would be. For me, whilst I trust my intuition, I find that snap decisions often do not work for me - I might need to take a bit of time with things and sometimes do a bit of experimenting. 

THE NEURODIVERSE BRAIN

One big challenge of an ADHD mind is having lots of ideas but finding it difficult to find one thing that really lights up your soul.

Another REALLY big one for me is starting projects but not following through on them. 

Another one - probably the biggest for me - is sensory overload and finding the work environment over stimulating. It can be hard to find the energy to do things I want to do outside of my job because I sometimes feel so drained. And with my brain chemistry and history of mental health 'stuff', there is a need to be careful and not overdo things. 

Image courtesy of IStock

There can be a bit of a fine line between going into victim mode and needing to protect one's mental health. There's no two ways about it, dealing with a neurodiverse brain can be pretty challenging at times, and certainly it has affected the course of my life greatly. 

I may not be able to do things as quickly as some people. But - here's the thing - there will always be some challenges and obstacles towards us achieving our dream. 

GOING THE EXTRA MILE
This is a term that is sometimes used in the workplace (I presume it still is). In workplace terms, it basically means do extra work for nothing, or do extra work to impress the boss enough to get a promotion. I used to look down on people who finished their work at 5pm on the dot when there was more work to be done. Be conscientious, I thought, and if necessary, stay late at work. 

I began to see that these people that I looked down on might actually have a point, after working in a job where I was contracted to start at 9am but would start at 7.15am because otherwise I could not keep up with the work. And it was the norm for others at the same workplace to work extra time. Of course, there was no overtime pay. There should have been, but that's another story. 
And then there was the worst job of my life, where the workload was just impossible. God only knows how much extra time I did in that job. I eventually quit after my boss threatened to put extra work on me after I'd just come back from two weeks off after my brother's death. 

My viewpoint now is that I would generally not advise anyone to be working extra hours for their employer without pay, except in exceptional and occasional circumstances. If you're working for someone else, you should be getting suitably recompensed. 'Going the extra mile' can quite easily make you a doormat and give licence for organisations to expect people to do too much. 

However, when it comes to working for yourself, you can't really have the attitude of an employee. I don't advocate burnout and I make sure to keep my mental health in check as best I can. But .. since starting to work towards my vocational goals and also attracting the woman of my dreams, my life is busier than ever. And I have had to push myself that bit extra. Days off seem like a thing of the past at the moment - there's always something to do. Life does not tend to provide an easy path towards fulfilling your dream lifestyle. 

MANAGING MY STRESS LEVELS 
It's very important for me to establish a good way of looking after myself as best I can, whilst trying to work towards my goals. Especially with ADHD and a brain that can get easily overwhelmed. At the moment, I need to be working in a job. And sometimes there are days at work that are very busy, or difficult customers. This can make me feel drained and exhausted. 

Image courtesy of Shutterstock

The important thing is to listen to my body. It can be very tempting to want to push on and get things done, but there are times when I need to rest. On stressful days, my brain is fried when I get home. And there is a potential risk to my health if I overdo things. 

Also, another important thing is to accept however I feel as best I can, and not fight against anything - including stress. Any stress I get now is fairly manageable to an extent and does not last that long - although if I was to ever have a job which caused as much stress as the jobs I had from 2012 to 2014, I would be taking time off and looking for another job. Serious work stress is one of the most horrible things I have ever been through. 

But generally speaking nowadays - even if I do have a bad day at the office - which many of us do - I am usually okay by the next day. I have tools I can use such as meditation. 

THE COMPARISON GAMES
This is definitely a challenge that I frequently visit. And it's generally the weak spots that we compare ourselves to with others. There are some areas that I am stronger in than many people - for example doing live videos and public speaking, also writing - but generally, I am a late developer. And that has been hard. I haven't 'made it' in the corporate world, and lots of spiritual entrepreneurs were quite successful in the corporate world. I've earnt less money than the average person my age. I am lucky now in that I've had a bit of financial help and also my rent now is extremely cheap for Manchester. The universe does provide. I'd never had long term relationships up until my late 40s - that was difficult.
And it's slightly unrealistic to never compare ourselves to others. However, too much comparison is not going to help. It's easy to think we've got it harder than others for whatever reason, and maybe some of us have. 
I get very frustrated at times when I am not making the progress my ego would like. But, the thing I am learning is to trust and take small steps at a time. There are definitely extra challenges that come with a neurodiverse brain. But - all I can do is do my best. 

Asking for help is important, as well as surrounding ourselves with people that believe in us. We all have challenges and obstacles when it comes to working towards the life of our dreams - but, together we are strong. 

Peace out 

What is critical thinking?

 A lot of people who are neurodiverse tend to have different views of the world than the majority of people. Perhaps it's easier to question things. 

It's quite obvious that many people behave in similar ways - you only have to observe the general public to see that. But people like me often go against the grain. 

There is undoubtedly a lot of programming and brainwashing that is deliberately instilled in to people, such as:
Boys don't cry. 
Children should be seen and not heard. 
Doctors and scientists are right. 
Vaccines save lives and are safe.  
Money doesn't grow on trees. 
Working 9 to 5 is normal. 

The list goes on. There's also a lot of programming around food and drink - in the UK, many grown adults find it hard to let themselves loose and have fun without alcohol. 
The news is undoubtedly designed to place fear into the masses and also to send people into a hypnotic state so they can believe anything. 

Say no more. Image courtesy of Getty Images.

The lack of critical thinking was alarmingly apparent when something named Covid happened, and goes to show how much a person's mind can be manipulated when fear is constantly bombarded into their minds. People and organisations which are perceived to have authority over others - such as the government - are believed and obeyed without question. Instead of people going 'hang on, something isn't quite right here, how on earth can there be a virus so deadly that healthy people breathing fresh air are considered a danger, but a piece of cloth can help protect me' - which should have been obvious to everyone after three months, at most six months - people cowered inside their homes, not seeing families or friends, wearing masks, while the government, who knew that there was nothing to fear, were having parties. 

Covid WAS a scam. One million percent. I knew it from early on, and nothing will ever change my mind on that - I saw first hand evidence that what the media and government were telling us was not true. It took minimal critical thinking to work out that something was amiss. 

The common denominator to a lack of critical thinking seems to be fear. I've had it myself with religion. It made me believe the most awful things and got me into some serious trouble. 
And then there's the other side of the Covid coin which is the conspiracy world. Honestly, some of the crazy stuff I've seen posted by people who call themselves 'truthers' is so far out there that I would class it as mental illness. And again, I believe the common denominator is fear. In these cases, it's fear of losing human rights and being locked inside the home. A lot of people were traumatised by the lockdown, without doubt. 

Fear combined with a lack of sound judgement can make people think the craziest things. 

A word on conspiracies
In my opinion, if you have even an ounce of critical thinking, it would be virtually impossible to dismiss all things 'conspiracy'. You can't possibly tell me that a vaccine that was being forced upon the public with no liability for the manufacturers was intended solely to cure a virus. However, a lot of the conspiracies are very lacking in evidence and, in my opinion, are a distraction from the things that really matter. Flat earth being a prime example. 

And then there's the crazy crazy side of conspiracies, like saying all sports stars are transgender. Anyone who seriously believes that has lost all capacity for critical thinking. 

To me, the best route towards critical thinking is trusting your intuition, and perhaps more importantly, going within and dealing with your 'stuff'. There are many people who are knee deep in conspiracy land who are not facing their dark side. If you've got lots of unresolved trauma, your capacity for critical thinking could be reduced. 

Not everything is as it seems. Question everything. Don't just go along with the crowd. 

Sensory overload and difficulty concentrating - the neurodiverse brain

One thing that is important to realise. 
We all have different capabilities. 
Some things, I have more ability at than others. 
Some things, others have more ability at than me. 

However - it is often easier to focus on the things about ourselves that we perceive to be difficult. Which can be problematic if we let them define us. Conversely, we can also try to push forward and live our purpose whilst ignoring our brain chemistry and needs. This will cause problems down the line. 

It doesn't matter how open hearted you are or how many affirmations you make or how many retreats you go on or how many phases of enlightenment you go through - if you have ADHD or autism tendencies, they will still be there. 

In my case, if I push myself too hard, there is a potential risk to my health, in part because of the horrendous mental breakdowns I've had in the past. And my brother died from a brain aneurysm. I had a period from 2012 to 2014 when I had three very stressful jobs, the last of which, at a company in Huddersfield which not surprisingly disbanded, was the worst of the lot. I was in that job at the time my brother died, and on the morning before I found out about his death, I was on the verge of messaging a friend saying I couldn't cope with the job. 

It was a truly horrendous and stressful job, with questionable ethics in that organisation, although I put that all on the company owner who was .. well let's not go there; both my direct boss and the boss above her (the finance director) were really good and I got on well with them. Plus I had one friend there who I am still friends with today, and most of the people that worked there were decent, so it wasn't all bad. There was several different tasks to do, an overload of work which I couldn't keep up with, plus some tasks I found difficult to comprehend. It was the perfect recipe for stress. I would literally go in to that job every day dreading it and spent the weekend recovering from the stress. It really was no way to live and I would never let that happen again. 

Image courtesy of iStock photos. It can feel that the brain is being pulled in different directions.

Sensory overload is big for me. Multitasking isn't good for my brain. Certainly, in the workplace, if I am trying to switch to several different things during the day, my brain gets fried. In my current job, I work with the public. What triggers sensory overload in this job is when lots of people enter the store in quick succession or when a big family comes in - maybe part of this is because I like clear, open spaces and am somewhat claustrophobic. At the moment, I have quite a full on life with different tasks that need doing. I have even started a planner, which is something I never do. Trying to balance these tasks with my need for relaxation at times, is not something that comes easily. Having a backlog is something that really triggers me - in the workplace, if I was behind on things, that was hard. 

I am a lot better at managing stress now than I was, and probably the most important thing for me is just to accept however I feel - trying to fight against sensory overload would just make things worse. There are times when I come home and need to rest, which can be frustrating when I have things outside of work that I want to do, but my mental health comes first. 

There is also the issue of finding it hard to concentrate, an ADHD thing. Symptoms include finding it difficult to complete tasks, procrastinating and being unable to sit still - I can totally relate to all of those. As with everything, there may be exceptions - one common symptom of ADHD is lateness, but I am the opposite, I like to be on time for everything and lateness is a pet peeve of mine. But I do struggle with concentrating on something and often end up flitting between different things, different screens and different tasks. This may seem a bit of a contradiction in terms after I said that I struggle to multitask, but I also struggle to concentrate on one task. This is very real. 

It is also true, though, that when there is a task that really interests me, I can really put my effort into it.

There is no doubt at all that my brain functioning has impeded my progress in life. This isn't a sob story nor am I looking for any sympathy; however, sometimes we have to acknowledge certain things. This world is not built for neurodiverse people, and unless you are lucky enough to live in an awakened community or have parents and teachers that completely understand and support you, which in my day was almost impossible, or you are extremely driven to find answers early on in life, it is fairly likely that you will be a late developer if you have both ADHD and ASD traits. But, conversely - certainly if life calls you on the journey of awakening and spirituality, you learn a heck of a lot. 

Now, it is time to share my stories to empower and inspire others. There is nothing wrong with you if you struggle to concentrate. However, you may need to make extra provisions to most people in order to truly thrive in life. I consciously chose to largely not go down the conventional medical route because I do not fully trust the NHS and do not believe they have adequate provision to deal with mental health issues. In my opinion, there should be more support services separate from the NHS that provide effective help for those of us with ADHD and ASD. I also have found it hard to ask for support and help for this particular aspect of my life, which has been to my detriment. But I'm starting to make some changes. And I also have a lot of very supportive friends and supportive partner.

One of which is - I have just started reading this book. It looks good so far. You might be interested in it. Peace out. 

Who am I .. really?

For the last few years, I have been on a quest to really dive deep into who I really am and to face my shadows. This is not a walk in the park. 

Humanity has been deeply programmed and most people are wearing a mask that hides their true essence. Whilst I don't want to get into conspiracies too much, there can be little if any doubt that there are people or even entities 'at the top' that have been keeping humanity in a low state of consciousness. 

Let's look at a few societal issues. 
Males are cut off from their emotions at a young age. 'Boys/men don't cry' - heard that one before? Of course you have. 
People working away from the home for longer than they see their families. 
Vaccines. Why are people who have suffered damage from vaccines being censored? It certainly isn't because 'vaccines save lives'. 
The food we eat. I don't want to go into a debate as to what the natural diet for humans is, but suffice to say a lot of food available now is not what nature intended. 
The television and media - one of the biggest tools used to program people. They managed to convince a number of people in 2020 that there was a virus so deadly, but a piece of cloth would protect them. And of course, a healthy, unmasked person breathing fresh air was a danger to society. 

The way we are living as a whole is definitely not natural. A stereotypical 'real man' or 'real woman' is really an imagination of the ego. And in order to live out our true nature, we might have to be willing to go against what society teaches - and even what some people in the spiritual community teach. 

Image courtesy of Adobe Stock

There's also the issue that so many people have poor self esteem, as I did for many years. And it's not easy to even accept yourself, let alone love yourself, especially if you have had a lot of trauma in your life. Myself, I am highly sensitive, didn't have any sort of romantic relationship for many years, didn't progress in career .. it's been hard. And I'm becoming more aware of how the way my brain functions has impacted on my life. 

But, on the other side of the coin, these things that could be perceived as negative also propelled me to really go deeper within, to discover who I really was. And as I've hinted earlier, you may have to abandon your ideas of what a real man or real woman is. 

The best way in my opinion to really discover more of you are is to face your $h!t. And that's where a lot of people falls short. The mainstream medical profession routinely hand out pills to people whenever mental health is mentioned. Mental health challenges are seen as something to fight against, suppress or deny. But actually, your biggest issues are where the gold lies. I shall be doing a post on this soon. 

Blessings
Andy

A new blog .. but not totally new

Greetings everyone.
My name is Andy. 

This is not my first blog. In fact, this is the web page of a blog I used to run. 
But that blog was pretty much done before Covid. I only did one post after 2019. 

Life has changed a lot in the last few years. But I still love writing, and recently, after a period of doing very little writing outside of posting on Facebook, it dawned on me that I need to start writing again. Doing things that I love is important. 

I have always felt different to the majority of society, and whilst I don't like labels, I know that I have ADHD and autism traits, as well as being highly sensitive. This has not been easy at times. That plus going through a bucket load of trauma which could have finished anyone. Luckily, by the grace of God, I managed to keep going. I had no choice. 

I have had an interest in personal development and spirituality for a while, which has helped me enormously. Without this, I would have been stuffed. 

Image courtesy of Shutterstock

2023 was a pivotal year for me. I made huge steps forward in terms of personal growth and cleared a lot of blocked energy. I started taking steps towards my long term vocational goals. After years and years of struggling to attract a life partner, things finally changed. 

I started to step into my power. My true self. 
This blog is to cover subjects that relate to my life experiences - which include, but are not totally limited to: how to thrive in spite of challenging circumstances, self love and the desire for partnership, community and friendships, life purpose and neurodiversity. 

I hope you enjoy reading my words.